


When He Appeared: Part 1 (VIXX Leo, Jung Taekwoon)

by Reallynowayme2



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Depression, Implied Sexual Content, Life can suck, Love, Other, Panic Attacks, Rating: PG13, Romance, Slice of Life, overcome obstacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reallynowayme2/pseuds/Reallynowayme2
Summary: Character struggles through life and boring delivery job until an unexpected man causes her world to turn around.Who is he? What has the character forgotten?Read to see their encounter blossom into a deep romance, a fated connection. Watch as they heal one another through his experienced wisdom and their earnest care and understanding toward him.
Relationships: Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Reader, Jung Taekwoon/Original Character





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! A very long story, Part 2 is in the works, and it will conclude with a final Part 3
> 
> I hope you can enjoy, my intention is to bring hope for better in our difficult lives especially as many of us face mental illness.
> 
> I wrote this prior to Taekwoon revealing his struggle with mental illness to those of us who didn't know. And it turns out to give his actions and help to the main character a deeper meaning.
> 
> Hopefully through art and writing and through the beautiful songs and personality idols show to us, we can create a character from our own inner voice. To console our pain and help thrust us forward to many successes.

He kissed me. His hands cupping my chin lifting my face up to his. His back arched as he leaned down to my height. A glittery red jacket draped over a tool like material under shirt. Tight black pants hugged his thighs while pointed black shoes held his feet. Around his neck hung a silver necklace and a black collar circled his throat. Upon his long fingers sat multiple rings and jewels. His hair hung to his face, touching mine, wet and warm. His scent was of sweetness, amber, and sandalwood. 

His lips were so soft, and his kiss so strong. His nose brushed over my own, from left to right as he tilted his lips onto mine from every angle. His fingers made small affectionate brushes to my cheek and over my ear. 

My hands remained at my side. My back stayed stiff in a state of surprise. He broke from the kiss and rested his forehead on mine. His eyes closed. “I thought I would never find you again. And I never stopped trying,” the man whispered. His voice was so endearing. 

“I...I am so flustered...I'm sorry..uh you um...I don't know you…” I managed to sputter out. I was surprised, in awe, and confused. He was dressed like a showman. He was attractive and decorated like an actor. But he certainly was not someone I recognized.

He let go of my face and straightened his back. He looked just beyond me staying silent. I felt my heart wring into a tight knot, an awful cringing embarrassment crawled up my neck and into my jaw. I felt sorry for his mistake and the painful silence made it all the more difficult. 

It was early evening. I had simply finished a meal delivery to a company party and was returning to my car to await another order on my phone. As I exited the main doors I walked along the side of the building to where I had left my car. A small door along the way had opened and that man had stepped out, staring at his phone. I gave a simple greeting as I continued to my car, his phone dropped then leading to our unexpected embrace. 

“You don't remember,” he responded. He seemed disheartened. He looked me in the eyes again. “Please-” he began, patting his pants, in search of something. He then turned behind him to retrieve his phone from the ground. “Please, may I have your number, before you go again?” He asked, dusting his phone off and offering it to me. 

I did not want to. Thoughts of his mental state or sobriety tossed in my mind, along with thoughts of caution and safety. Being a fairly nervous and non-confrontational person I tried to be polite. “I...I am sorry, I really rather not, I hope you find who you are looking for. I really need to get going now. Have a good night.”

I began to side step away. I saw him biting his lip and staring at the ground. He stepped back through the door as I walked towards my car. A moment later I heard the door squeak open again and my jaw tensed. Oh please please just don't say anything, let me get in my car and go… I felt the awkwardness and dread in my heart. He jogged to me, a paper and pen in hand, he quickly scribbled numbers down and offered the paper to me. 

He panted as he caught his breath, his hair disheveled and his eyes wide. “Just...huh...just take this number, please call me. Please remember. It's J- ...Leo” he said. 

I took the slip and gave a shy smile. He walked back to the door as I entered my car. I started it up and began to pull away. In my mirror I saw him still standing, watching me with his hands in his hair and obviously distressed. I could feel my mind relax but my body shake with the remaining adrenaline within me. I drove away in a daze trying to gather my thoughts.

He kissed me...he must be crazy...I...he kissed me. KISSED me! How dare he kiss me. You don't just grab…you just...ooh! Oh I shoulda… and slapped...and just ur! 

I gripped the steering wheel tight. Fighting with my confused thoughts trying to focus on the road. Why did I just let that kiss last, do I know him...is there really something I'm missing? Leo?...Leo?...no…

“No more orders today, let's just go home buddy.” I said patting the dash of my car. “Phew…” I sighed. “Just get some sleep, shake it off.” 

The memories of last evening re-entered my mind as I rose in the morning. I took to the kitchen to try and busily remove these thoughts.

Stop stop stop! I squeezed my eyes shut trying hard to clear my head. 

"Whoa whoa girl you good?" My roommate asked. My thoughts burst and a relieving sense of normalcy filled me. 

"Trying to pass a kidney stone or something, what was all that straining for?" He continued smiling humorously. 

"Just some embarrassing moments rotating in my mind that's all Haha. How was class last night?" I asked.

"Uuugh don't ask. All I learned is how hopeless and done for I actually am, I am just not keeping up mentally and physically with the bull this class cranks out. Girl this mother- just grrrr, you know what it's too early," He answered squeezing his fists tight in a strangling motion to the air. 

I laughed. "You got that right." An urge to tell him about last night and my confusion rose up in my throat. Why can't I stop thinking about this…

"Hey, you know...when I...you know the whole motorcycle thing. After I got hurt, do you notice me, forgetting things or something? I mean I don't feel like I have but um…"

"What I've noticed you've forgotten lately is about how you would always get your girl some coffee in the morning remember that?" he joked tipping an empty paper cup upside down. "Seriously tho, what's up? Why are you thinking of the accident again, what's been going on B?" 

Almost a year ago I had a motorcycle and rode it everywhere. A Saturday night after visiting with friends at a car show, I only remember merging onto the freeway and seeing a small pick up ahead of me. Then as checked my left rear he had slammed his brakes. The image of the truck beneath me, the feeling of the air cradling my body above the ground, and the sound of my bike shredding with the tailgate of his vehicle still glow within my mind. 

I had a jacket, gloves and helmet on thankfully. The helmet for sure saved my life. I had landed head first, then onto my left, and rolled myself upon landing. I had a concussion, a bruise but no break on my left side and a fracture in my right hand.

I feel absolutely fortunate and had decided not to test my luck, therefore out of caution and anxiety I stay off two wheels. I truly miss it, and wish my mind was strong enough to return to it sooner.

"There, there was just someone who thought they uh...knew me. And I just, oh whatever it's flipping goofy I know." I laughed it off. "Probably just a misunderstanding or a look-a-like thing." Oh come on you know better, there was something… I thought to myself. 

"Okaay girl, I don't know what the hell is going on but ok ha," He said with suspicion in his voice. He walked to the fridge with a forward eye still on me squinting intensely. "Need your juice boo," he asked as he pulled a pastry and my usual morning smoothie bottle along with it. 

"No thanks, my stomach is a bit off. I'm going to shower then start delivering. Study hard you genius."

"HA!" He shouted after me as I made my way to the bathroom.

My little silver Nissan waited outside for me. A dependable and wonderful car full of memories. I sat inside, placing my phone upon a rubber grip attached to the dash and opened an application to receive orders. My car growled as it slowly turned the engine. "Good morning, alright boy here we go." I sighed.

The morning air was cool and damp. The whoosh of cars making their way through the city streets for their weekday hustle calmed my heart. Everything is back to normal, each passing minute taking my mind further from the overwhelming encounter of last night. 

I made my way to pick up an order placed at a nearby donut shop. "'3 dozen variety donuts, you decide'? The car sighed as I cut ignition. I snatched my phone and stepped out. Only 3 other cars sat in the wide parking lot with me near the street corner with the rest of the wide lot empty surrounding a for sale building and one law firm. 

Inside the little shop the walls were pink and baby blue, there was no music just a loud fan in the corner filled the quiet empty room. A few small tables decorated the green tile floor. And ahead of me was the counter surrounded by the glass view of my potential selections. One customer, a father with his child, were speaking with the employee at the counter as I approached the glass hungrily. I was now at peace in the routine of work that my appetite had comfortably returned. 

On my left I saw "Speciality Donuts" where cute faces and creative shapes sat within the glass. I couldn't seem to remove my attention from an adorable bear face, I felt comfort and joy. How adorable! I'm so getting this. I snapped a photo while I waited. 

It was finally my turn and I purchased my pastry as well as chose the 3 dozen donuts with the help of the shop worker's recommendations. I carried the boxes to my car ready to head out to the buyer's destination.

"Alright Bob let's go, play me something boy," I said turning on the radio in my car. I sent a quick text to my roommate of the pastry picture and went on my way. 

I returned home at 5:30 that evening. I slipped off my shoes and headed to the kitchen to fix a meal and relax. The shock, awkwardness and confusion from the prior day had completely faded. 

"Hey boo," my roommate said softly stepping through the hallway, his keys jangling and his school bag over his shoulder.   
I smiled and leaned against the counter, "Hi, you okay, bummed about school?" I asked.

"Girl always, but hey," he stopped at the front of the kitchen and held both his hands over his keys a look of concern over his face. "You doing okay? You were off this morning, and you had mentioned something about memory. I mean this kind of thing I guess anyone can forget from time to time, but you know the pic you sent me today."

I tilted my head, listening to him go on, noticing his awkward hesitation. "Yeah? Just let it out, I'm seriously all good now. Don't worry."

"Well, you've sent me that picture all excited before. I mean any other day I'd just call you out for the stupid you are girl, but after this morning just thought I'd ask you about it. So you recall sending this pic before, almost a year ago?" He asked.

"No...but yeah it's nothing, everyone forgets something after a year, nothing to do with my concern. Thank you for worrying." I said. Feeling a bit touched but also humorous over his out of character behavior. 

He stayed serious. And walked toward me and put his hands upon mine. "Ok sweetheart, let me just show you this, because um, you had sent it the...that day you know." 

He lifted his phone to show me an image of that same pastry with the text "I can't "Bear" to be with you either" and then the pastry in a trash can and my face as I flipped the bird.

My heart ached. Only a brief memory of that day, an awful phone call, and the hurricane of emotions quickly gusted into and out of my mind. "Oh." I said.

He flinched. "Sorry boo."

"You're good, yes I do not remember sending that at all actually. Just wish I could've forgotten him." I said softly. "Alright thanks for letting me know, I guess I am forgetting things… Well, you have a good night okay, I'm gonna eat, I'll see you at 10 or so. Be safe." 

"Okay stupid, I'm gonna go. Now don't you spend the next few hours thinking of him alright!" He gave me a hug. "I love you, sorry about your memories sweetheart, go ask a doctor ok. I'm here for you. Bye!" He stepped away and waved at the door before stepping out. 

He was right, as I prepared rice to steam and placed pieces of chicken in the oven, my mind was reliving the moments from that day. 

There was a man in my life. One who I had been with for just over 3 years. Upon meeting him I decided that I knew he was what I wanted.

Prior to him, I had dated quite frequently in short intervals. I would let each previous person go as soon as I saw a trait I knew was incompatible with me or that I could not live with permanently. I did not want to waste their time or my own. And I've stayed very cheery with those past people. From those experiences I felt I was able to pinpoint what I know was good for me. This man was mindful of others as well as respectful and loving to his parents and sisters. Now the hook of it all is that he showed absolute respect for me, my boundaries, and my body. 

Our first kiss was so light, his hands only on my waist. He would kiss my cheek right after. It drove me crazy with respect and admiration. Until the day I wanted more and I asked him, he welcomed it, and kissed me passionately. He still never pushed anything, nor asked me to dress differently, nor grab at me. It was shockingly refreshing. Once again I took the initiative and invited him to do more with me until he fully had me. He was the first I spent a night with and let take my body fully. 

Our relationship was full of beautiful simple times, gatherings with friends, motorcycle rides, and movies. After 6 months we moved in together. 

Then gradually it changed. Sex became less frequent, we had more outings alone and separate. He wanted time to himself with friends. He began cancelling our already made plans, making promises to get me off his back when I ever confronted him, then never keeping them. The most I did was question and punish myself, which invited him to do the same. Until it became something where I would fear or hate myself for ever asking anything of him. 

His spending habits changed. He would buy lemon motorcycles and never work on them and purchase many sports jerseys saying he would resell them never taking the time to do so. He would also visit Vegas with friends and gamble from our joint savings. Savings we had told ourselves would be the downpayment for our first home when we decide to have children and finish plans for our careers. All of his losses and failures he would pin on me when given the chance. 

After our lease was up in 12 months I made the decision to move out. (A decision I am grateful for today) He returned to his parents' home and I joined the roommate I still have today. The next year was filled with my earnest desire to make it work, my love, my energy, and unfortunately my whole self. I refused to let go. And in return, no intimacy, hardly any dates, more broken promises, more dreams and goals made on his good days then shattered on the bad ones. 

When finally the night it ended arrived. I was on my way to pick up my roommate from his class. My phone rang and I pulled over to answer the call. It was my boyfriend asking for me to come now, right now. I told him just a few minutes. He then responded with what crushed me after all I already beat myself up about.

"I need you now! I knew you didn't care. I've always known. I know why your like this, I babied you. And here you go you spoiled child. Give back everything, give back my life. You took everything away from me. I missed my chance to just be young, a whole 3 years of my life and now it's over. And now it's too late I have nothing, thanks to YOU!"

I remember fuming and beginning to defend myself with tears welling up in my eyes to say "Not true!" I won't let myself believe that on top of the self doubts that I already faced. And he hung up in the middle of it. My largest weakness, my parents themselves would use ignoring me to hurt me if I've ever done wrong. They would go silent and act like they heard nothing even as I cried out "mom, dad please, please" and I'd fall into panic.

So right there in the car I sobbed, my breathing quickened, my chest sank down heavy to my spine. My thoughts raced far too quickly for any part of me to process. My anger would rise only for my sadness to drop me. I rang his number again and again only for him to decline each call... 

"That's right, I stepped out of the car. There was no room for embarrassment. It was along the street downtown in front of that cafe by the college." I began to recall that awful night. By the parking meter, I held onto it as I sobbed. Then seated myself at the bench across from my car. 

Rage and sadness returned to my mind again. I remember calling my roommate to ask him if he could find a ride or wait a while, through each of my sobbing breaths. He asked where I was and urged me to wait for him, that he wanted to help me. He is a sweet and wonderful friend. I refused and said I would be home later. I continued to cry just sobbing please over and over and feeling my body tense up as I told myself, "who is he to say that I took his life away!" 

I don't remember what else only that I had returned home early in the morning. My friend was still awake. He gave me a big hug and told me what for. Told me to stay away from that man. We celebrated with drinks and talked shit about him just to make me feel better. 

So I texted those photos. I took...no...who took that photo of me flipping off the camera? How did I calm down from my panic? Who was there…?   
Overwhelming feelings of my newfound forgetfulness filled my heart. 

That day, that saddening day was only days prior to my motorcycle accident. Though I never cared to recall that rough few days of my life, I came to realize I had hardly any memories from that phone call to the day that I fell off my bike.

At the bench, the bench that night, I remember someone grabbing my hand and they squeezed firmly. I remember feeling a warmth like entering a soothing bath, flow up my arm. 

That's right, someone. Someone I forgot.  
But who!? I struggled to recall a face. 

It doesn't have anything to do with… I recalled the man who had kissed me yesterday. No way…

I jumped up and headed outside to my car. The slip of paper with his number rested on the floor of the passenger seat where I had tossed it aside. I retrieved the paper and returned to the apartment. 

My unfinished dinner sat on the dining table. I pulled my chair out and sat down, pushing the plate away. My phone rested warm in my hands as I stared at the message screen ready to type in his number. 

Am I crazy? If he's just some loose screw I don't want to… or maybe he is just looking for someone, yeah. And if it isn't me I'll know, just ask how he knows you. Yeah…

*Hello, I am the woman you ki*

The thought of our intense kiss shocked my mind again, but more excitedly than before…

*Hello, I am the woman you had given your number to at that building. I wanted to ask, how exactly do you know me?*

I sent it. Anxiety, doubt, regret, and curiosity filled my mind. I waited scrolling through social media mindlessly back and forth not really grasping a single image on my screen. 

Regardless of my fears I knew I wanted to know whether or not he had anything to do with that day and the things I had forgotten.

*Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz* 

My whole body jolted. My phone dropped lightly from my hands onto the table. It was his number. I did not know what to do. I didn't want to talk I was too nervous. "A text would have sufficed what is this dude!" I said. I let the phone continue to ring until the cycle was through. But then it rang again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I answered.

"Hello," Leo answered. "Are you there?"

My mind soothed and my chest felt warm as calmness spread over me. 

"Hello?" Leo said again.

"Hello, could you explain to me how you believe you know me?" 

"I wasn't sure you really had forgotten or if you just truly didn't feel what I feel." He began.

His voice was so comforting to my ears. My heart warmed again. Stop, just stop what is this. I thought.

"So how do you know me?" I asked again. 

"I actually don't really know you. I had only met you, and I experienced something amazing and knew what I felt for you immediately." He explained. "It was almost a year ago, I don't even know your name, you left and I never saw you again. Until yesterday." 

My mind strained as I tried to understand and piece this information into my head. "Oh...then how did we, uh meet then?" My heart beat hard against my chest as I braced myself for his answer.

"You sat next to me, distressed," he began, laughing nervously.

The world stopped. The brief memory of me on the bench returned. The hand that had sent warmth crawling up my arm to my chest returned to my thoughts, this time it belonged to him. It was you. 

"You were sobbing so anxiously…" he continued. My memories began to flow clearly and continuously like a river. 

… "Focus on your hand, what do you feel? That's right it's okay." His gentle voice directed as he placed his hand on mine.

Warm. I thought.

"Focus on the air, now what do you smell?"

Coffee… I thought, my lungs still gasping and my panic still racing.

"You are okay, let your eyes open, lift your head ok. What do you see? 

I looked up through my tear blurred eyes, looking at his shirt, seeing the lights of the shops behind him, people walking, smiling, & eating. My thoughts slowed.

"That's good you are doing so well, now listen, just listen to what you hear," he encouraged me.

I heard the chatter, music, people shouting, bicycles squealing by, loud cars roaring as students hollered and I heard his singing. He sang in a whispered voice his thumb brushing over the top of my hand. My breathing slowed while my lungs filled with air and released. I looked up to his face, he stopped singing and smiled warmly.

Embarrassment filled me as I recovered from my panic. "Thank you, for doing that…" I began my eyes lowered. 

He lifted his hand off mine. "Please, don't mention it, I'm glad I was able to help." His reassuring voice relaxed me again. I looked to him. He wore a grey sweater and jeans. He held a coffee in his other hand, bracelets hung from his wrist. An earring glistened from the street lights at the side of his face. My heart swelled and I felt my eyes flicker. 

I rubbed my eyes. "Oh wow, that was a lot. Thank you uh…?" I began.

"You can call me Leo." He said still smiling.

"Thank you Leo, I have to, I should get going." I said to him giving a shy smile. I felt my own heart wrench with my words. I wanted to stay. 

As I began to stand up, he placed his hand upon mine again. "Wait," he started, "you sure you'll be ok?"

His smile was replaced with concern. 

I stared at him for a moment before speaking, "Actually, if you don't mind, I do need some distraction to shake this off, if you're not busy would you…" 

"I'm not busy, this is just a visit actually and I'm meaning to explore," he said. 

I couldn't help myself but grin. My heart was ecstatic. I stood up. "I haven't given myself the time for karaoke in a looong time." 

I had gestured him to my car. "I can take you to explore some of my favorite spots here." He smiled in agreement and went along with me. 

We rented a karaoke room and sang for an hour. He laughed at my singing and tried to give me tips and guide me with his strong and beautiful voice. He picked a gorgeous song that I've never heard of and began to sing. I just watched. I felt myself gaze at him with my heart. Watching, hearing, and feeling his passion. My whole mind and body left my pain completely with that song. 

After our singing completed we headed out to show him another favorite spot of mine. "They are open late and are so fun. My roommate and I come here at least once a month." I showed him to a mini golf building. 

We stepped in, and I watched him smile at the unique courses, art, and decorations that filled the interior of an otherwise plain appearance of the building's entrance.

Music filled the room, other young groups were there laughing and playing. The smell of snacks and beer completed the atmosphere. 

We played a full round. Through it we made fun of each other's poor shots and became competitive. It was intense and hilarious, lifting my mood higher than it had been in a long time. He had boasted about his next shot and somehow missed the entire ball. I couldn't stop myself from laughing so hard as he cursed himself. He came up with so many excuses and pushed me playfully as I mimicked his initial pride. He stopped and smiled at me his gaze powerful, my laughter cleared up and my heart swelled with the intensity. 

"What, you dummy?" I said and kicked his shin. He broke his gaze and laughed it off. 

After finishing our game I told him I wasn't sure of any places that I frequent that were open after 1am. We just agreed upon a little donut cafe that's open until 2am to grab a snack. 

"Another coffee?" I laughed. "You had a coffee when I saw you, you bought one at karaoke, and now another!"

"Coffee is the most delicious snack," he said, sipping on his large cup. I held a cute bear pastry in my hand. 

"This is adorable. You know, I've known of this place and never took the time to come here. Wow their pastries are cute." I said. For some reason, the more I stared at the little bear in front of me, the more resentment rose and tears welled up.

"Hey you okay…" Leo asked. 

"Can you help me with something," I interrupted. I stepped out to the empty parking lot. I gave him my phone and I held my middle finger up as I carried the bear in the other hand. I had him take a picture. And after he took it I couldn't help but toss the donut into the trash. 

Leo just watched me quietly. I took my phone, snapped another picture and walked away to my car. He followed. 

He sat in the passenger seat next to me. I couldn't help but cry a little again. "It's really over this time," I mumbled sending texts and then blocking my boyfriend's number. 

I put my phone down and sat in silence. Leo reached his hand over and touched my shoulder. I leaned to him as he leaned closer to me. As he held me my feelings grew. 

I just met him. I don't even, it's only been a few hours, I thought.

I couldn't fight it. I lifted my head up to face him. He placed his long fingers over my face and we kissed. I sat up from my chair and crawled to him. He moved his arms slowly to my back and held me close. My emotions and physical sensations all heightened at his every touch. It healed me again. I moved to his neck surprising him and myself. What am I doing… a thought had quickly breezed through my mind.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me fully onto his seat. I could not help myself, I reached my hands up his sweater feeling a surprisingly tough and smooth back. My lips made their way back to his. His hands stayed at my side as mine wandered to his chest, to his hard stomach, and to the button of his pants. "Can I…"

"I don't mind" he whispered. I worked his pants open. His gentle fingers pet my neck before he began to open each button of my shirt. "You're everything I've ever wanted," he whispered into my ear followed by a kiss. "Just by looking at you, I felt it and I knew," he continued as his warm strong hands explored my chest. "You're mine, love at first sight." 

I froze as I battled my sadness again. Really, what AM I DOING? Tears came pouring down my face again. His hands left my body as he stared at me without a word. 

"Can you step out please?" I asked crawling off of him to my chair. 

"Did I, I'm sorry if-," he began

"Get out, I don't have room, nor time for this 'sweet nothings' bull shit, please get out." I said through clenched teeth. My strong anger suffocated the apologetic worries that tried to reach my senses.

He opened the door to step out but leaned his head back in. "Are you sure you can be alone right now, we can just talk instea-" Leo began again.

"Here" I said angrily, my face tightening and heart thudding against my chest. I rudely threw a $20 bill from my wallet out of the passenger seat. "For a cab or something. Thanks for everything, sorry, and go away. I don't need any of this kind nonsense ever again."

He stood still for another moment in silence. He shook his head then nodded biting his lip. He gave me one last look in the eyes. The urge to change my mind nudged my thoughts. But I had just turned away facing the steering wheel. He closed the door and I drove away…

"...It was unfortunate, I felt connected and drawn to you." Leo concluded his explanation. "May I also ask something, what happened?" 

"I remember now...and I am sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, someone else did. I was just tired and overwhelmed." I answered. 

"Okay…" he said and nothing else. 

I could hear his breathing. My face felt hot and my heart raced excitedly. "I am not mad at you really, and I got into an accident on my motorcycle…" I began. I heard him gasp.

"Oh, I am still in one piece as you know, I'm ok. It was back then, just a few days after that night. I remember now, that I was thinking and wondering about you each of those days. You are what I thought of as I began my ride home prior to the accident." I paused. My breathing began to shake as my heart roared with more excitement. "And with this phone call, that place for you in my mind…is back."

I felt a strange familiar longing and powerful desire reenter my mind and heart. I wanted him near me. I wanted to spend time with him again. I wanted that comfort and ease that his touch and his voice had brought to me. 

"I need to see you!" He shot desperately. "Please, will you meet me at that pastry shop."

My heart whipped, jumped, and shook. I had to take a moment to gather the excitement and need that whirled within myself. "I…" my breathing was so quick it was hard to speak. I caught my breath and swallowed. I smiled too big I had to keep licking moisture back onto my lips "I will...yes I am coming!"

"Ok! Travel safe see you so very soon." He said and hung up. 

I felt like flying. I rushed to my room to freshen up. I fumbled with bottles and sprays dropping things on the ground upon leaving my bedroom I almost tripped and fell. I laughed at myself. What is this feeling! 

All the emotion and power that had been missing within me, from our brief connection nearly a year ago, had returned one hundred times stronger than it had been that night. Even for my past lover, I never felt this way, never let myself feel this way. Magic of the universe, fate, soulmates, were all nothing to me, absolutely ridiculous. But whatever doubt I had could not ever explain what was happening now.

I quickly jumped into my car heading out on a peaceful path drawing in comfort and clarity as I made each meter closer to him.

When I arrived, he was already there, I saw him smiling running his fingers through his hair and licking his lips as he held back excitement. He was gorgeous in his simple white button shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and the twinkle of an earring and necklace chain framing his head. 

The grin grew across my face again. I stepped out of my car and we both quickly made our way to each other through the empty lot. I fell into his arms and wrapped mine around him tightly. My entire being felt in place, felt so whole. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into this comfort. I began to cry, beautiful joyful tears. Leo did not say anything. I only felt his strong arms around my back and his fingers brush over me back and forth. 

I tipped my head to look at him, he was crying. We were both crying together. He turned his head away smiling but shielding his eyes with one hand. I laughed through my tears and placed my hand upon his cheek and stroked down to his neck. I brought his face to mine and pressed my lips upon his. 

"The kiss," he said in between our kisses, "Yesterday's kiss. I am sorry. My feelings were. So surprisingly powerful. And tormenting. This whole time. I thought, wait please," he said gently putting a finger to my mouth. "I want to properly apologize, I thought you were going through the same and I shouldn't have jumped to such a conclusion."

"Thank you, I was surprised. But right now, I definitely understand" I said referring to my equal passions that returned today. "I can't imagine how you must have felt." I said leaning to kiss him again. 

He leaned away for just a moment. "I thought I was insane for a moment. I felt ashamed immediately after I had kissed you. Then I felt so hurt, that perhaps that night may have meant so little to you that you had forgotten so easily. Yet I was still filled with this emotion." He explained then bit his lip. "I am so relieved that it was not exactly the case." He leaned in to return my kiss. I accepted it so greedily. He's so sensitive, so vulnerable.

I led him into the back of my car and sat him down I crawled over the top of him again and let him hold me and kiss my neck. I went for his shirt when he stopped me.

"Wait, I need to know this time. Just in case," he laughed, "What is your name?"

I smiled, "My name, it's- " 

Thank you for reading this far. Part 2 is almost complete and there is finally more conversational interaction between Taekwoon and the main character. I am excited to post it soon.


	2. When He Appeared Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon and main character confide in one another.
> 
> They learn more about Taekwoon's career and about each other.
> 
> Taekwoon reveals his own mental illness and encourages main character with his experienced wisdom

*Beep-beep beep-beep*

I awoke sleepily to see Leo laying beside me swiping off the alarm application from his phone. The sun was barely spilling from the cracks of my bedroom curtains touching the edges of Leo's bare stomach. My heart swelled as I fully awakened seeing my world more beautifully than before. 

"Good morning," I said as I stretched, sitting myself up. 

He sat up alongside me and pulled me to his chest. "Good morning," he replied. "I am sorry to wake you. I always have my alarm on for work," he began, "Oh but no work today."

"No worries," I said. "I'm more energized than ever, with you here." I reached my arm over his chest and kissed his neck. He kissed the top of my head in return. 

Leo stepped out of bed, gathering his clothes from where he placed them neatly on my bedroom desk. 

"What are you doing?" I asked admiring the entirety of his body beyond my bed.

He smiled "I need to use the toilet, I noticed you have another living here, please understand, I don't want to shock anyone."

That's right. My trance was broken at the realization that my present world still exists. Oh my roommate will be all over this, what will I say?

Last night I brought him home with me to rest after our initial reunion and embrace. I was absorbed in the peace and brightness that being near him brought me, that I didn't even think of my roommate or anything else.

I got out of bed and into my clothes. Leo made his way towards me his hands sliding down my shoulders and around my back. He brought me into his chest and kissed my cheek. I didn't want to let go, being as close to him as possible felt like a necessity. 

"Okay, let's go, I'll show you to the bathroom," I sighed. 

We exited my room into the quiet hallway. "This door here on the left," I directed, "I'll be just beyond here, in the living room." 

Leo thanked me and stepped inside. I made my way out of the hallway to the living room. I stopped, startled to see my roomate already awake sitting on our rocking chair. He smiled knowingly as he sipped from his mug. 

"Tell me what in the world did you drag into this house," he began, "and why are you bringing people home at night all of the sudden?"

"Stop!" I whispered through my teeth. I sat down on the sofa across from him. He sipped from his cup again raising his eyebrows. 

"I'm going to tell this person what for and to leave you alone, you haven't been feeling well since yesterday girl and now this, WOO!" He said like a distraught mother speaking to her young teen.

Leo entered slowly and shyly from the hallway giving a polite greeting. All my roommate's energy absolved immediately. His eyes quickly met mine, widened with disbelief, then returned to Leo. "Good morning sweetheart, come sit down," he said gesturing to the sofa where I sat.

My roommate shared another shocked excited look with me mouthing he's hot as Leo's back was turned. I gave him a warning glare leading Leo to face him again in which my roommate smiled cutely and blinked his eyes "Yes, sit sit!"

Leo turned back to me in confusion, I wrapped my arm around his back easing him into his seat.

"So how long has this been going on, how did you meet, what's the story tell me everything," my roommate went on. We turned to each other unable to exactly answer those questions. 

"Uh well it just started last night-" I began.  
"I guess you could say almost a year-" Leo said simultaneously 

"Oh I uh-" we continued tripping over each others explanation. 

My roommate's brows furrowed and his concern returned. "Okay, now look dear, that's my best friend, and I will be honest she has not been well and if you are just sliding into her life taking advantage of that you watch out!" He said with all the motherly energy as before.

"Haha alright leave him be-" I attempted to cut him off.

"Uh-uh nope, and if she needs me to come after you, I may have school at night and work at the mall by day, but I will drop either of those things and show up quicker than a sneeze out your nose-," he continued

"Haha yeah great thanks, we are going to...we have a thing to do so early, going to show him my work," I interrupted standing up taking Leo's arm with me heading toward the kitchen for my things. 

Leo smiled "Glad to meet you," he managed to get out as I grabbed my keys and pulled him through the door. 

We stood outside the doorway, I rested myself against his shoulder for a few seconds, letting his light seep into me. 

"Sorry about that," I began.

"No not at all, I was happy to meet him and glad he shares that much care for you. That way I know you'll be well," he said placing a quick kiss upon my lips. 

I was confused at the way he shared his words but shrugged it off. "Let's head down to my car, I guess I will show you what I do for work." I gestured down the stairs. 

We sat inside my car trying to put away our flustered memories as I explained how I deliver meals full time. 

"It is nice to be able to freely choose my schedule, to an extent, to cater to my more troublesome moments where working becomes impossible." I finished. 

"Moments like the one I first met you in?" He asked softly. 

"Yeah, embarrassing panic and also exhaustive hopeless slumps," I explained further.

He held my hand and sent that warmth up my arm again. His gaze was so endearing. 

"Me too," he began. "I suffer those too."

I gasped. I felt a deep ache of sorrow. "I am so sorry that you suffer it as well." I was so sorry that he suffered anything at all. My connection to him, my new meaning for love brought me a deep desire to remove and prevent any pain from reaching him. Especially a pain that I knew so well. 

"Please, do not be," he smiled warmly. "I have been receiving treatment for sometime, and have been managing well." He reassured me. I rubbed my fingers over his hand and nodded. 

"That's good," I said softly staring at his hands.

"Can I ask what you do for work?" I looked up to his eyes, he seemed hesitant to answer. 

"I...I am a singer." He began. My eyes widened. His voice is so beautiful I felt happy for him.

"I wanted to tell you this, but another part I did not want to say…" he began biting his lip. "My name is Taekwoon. I gave you my stage name when we first met. I didn't know that this connection would be left lingering, and I supposed Leo was easier to say here," He began. 

"Taekwoon," I whispered.

"And I am here to perform. The last two nights were my performance and fan meetings. Today is my day to rest and tomorrow…" he cringed and closed his eyes. 

I didn't even need to hear the rest, the air became heavy and my heart sank. 

"I leave tomorrow, to my home country. And I don't know when exactly I will come back again," he explained carefully as he struggled to carry the weight of his words. 

Tears fell from my eyes immediately. I couldn't figure out how to stop them and proceeded to apologize repeatedly. 

"No, I am so sorry," he said holding me close. "Let's make the most of this day okay?" 

I looked back up at him, watching him blink away his own tears. "You're right Taekwoon," I sniffled and gently wiped my eyes. "I'm feeling hungry, how about I drive us somewhere to eat, and let's figure out nice things to do along the way," I suggested. 

He smiled and nodded and we went on our way. 

We were seated at a casual diner, the light hum of other conversations helped soothe our silent aching. 

I felt so joyful being able to share a regular meal with him. Concern arose after, wondering how I will ever enjoy a meal again without him. 

"You're beautiful," he said bursting my thoughts. 

I smiled shyly. 

"So you are a singer," I added awkwardly.  
"Yes", Taekwoon chuckled. 

"To come to another country to perform, you must have a lot of fans," I continued.

"Oh, yes but don't worry or be jealous," he began anxiously to reassure me.

"No, I mean, how do you…you manage anxiety and tired depression, with so many people relying on you?" I asked.

He was taken aback, and nodded silently. "Yes, it is a big responsibility and it honestly was difficult when I first began. Those that I worked with got to see my raw panic and tears. They brought me to the help I needed before it could escalate." He explained.

"And as I mentioned earlier, treatment as well as techniques and support I am able to manage quite well." He noted. "Now I'd like to ask you, why do you only deliver food. And where is your motorcycle, you had mentioned an accident, I want to know." He asked. 

I lowered my head. "Delivering food isn't what I wanted. And in regards to motorcycles, I'm too afraid to get back on, yet I really want to," I said meeting his gaze. 

His eyebrows were raised with concern, the wrinkles above his eyes pained me, I felt ashamed. 

He reached his arms over the table to hold my hand. "Did you ever treat your illness?" he asked me. I shook my head. "What has prevented you?"

I shrugged. "I just, I really don't know. I suppose I am nervous about medication. Also, I don't know if I really believed anything is wrong, like it is all just something I could pick myself up from, like I am just being lazy." 

He glared. It surprised me, I felt shame again.

"What I saw last year, was a panic attack," he said, "and I know panic. What you are facing is not something you can simply stop and it is NOT lazy. Your mind itself is not properly producing what you need to realize you are safe and well. It's fight or flight." He said keeping his serious expression. 

I nodded silently meeting his eyes again. "I feel ashamed, that you are doing something beautiful, while I lost the great things I tried to do," I explained. 

Taekwoon opened his mouth to speak again, when our waitress arrived with our food. 

"Oh excuse me y'all," she beamed passing out our plates smiling brightly. She eased the tension of our serious conversation. "Let me refill these glasses for you," she reached a pitcher over and accidentally knocked Taekwoon's glass over. 

Startled Taekwoon darted his hand out to lift the glass. The waitress apologized profusely, Taekwoon and I patiently gathered napkins to wipe away the water that spilled. Taekwoon met her eyes kindly and warmly encouraged her. He told her there was no problem at all and that he understood. 

When she left, I gave him a huge smile. He cocked his head in confusion. I felt grateful for his patience, understanding, and willingness to bring warmth to others. Just like his warm comfort to me, a stranger when we first met. 

"Let's eat," he smiled. 

We spoke casually about his work and members that he sang with. And I shared stories and jokes from my own roommate experiences. We then decided while it was still fresh in the morning we could go to a city park that I enjoyed.

The air was cool and damp. The park was filled with the sound of yelling children, barking dogs, and tweeting birds in the distance. We locked fingers and began walking along the sidewalk around a large area of green grass. His hands were large wrapping his long fingers around my own. His grip was strong bringing security and strength to myself. We both continued walking in silence, catching each other smiling as we glanced to one another occasionally. 

"How old are you?" Taekwoon asked breaking the silence. 

I stopped, "Twenty-three, why?"

"See!" He exclaimed his eyes smiling with his face, "Don't be ashamed, you're still young, that's the age I was when I received help." He explained. 

"Wait, how old are you?" I asked surprised at the way he addressed his past. 

"Twenty-nine in two weeks," he answered. 

My eyes remained wide as I opened my mouth.

"What!? I'm not an elderly man!" He shouted, laughing.

"No, I just, you look really good, your skin is so nice." I said laughing. "I'm also sad we won't get to celebrate together."

"Thank you, It's my job, as well as personal preference to care for myself that way." He said. "We can find a way, maybe I can call you."

"So you got help that long ago?" I asked. "And you were already a singer."

"Yes," he said. 

"You still pushed to your dream and made it, even while like this. I let mine slip away…" I continued to wallow. 

"Don't assume that," he interrupted, his stern tone returned. "This wasn't my first dream," he said. 

He stared at me before continuing, I felt nervous and small. 

"I played soccer, I played for my national team, youth team, at the time I was a minor." He began. 

I nodded, there's so much I am learning about him and so much more I want to spend every moment of my life finding out.

"After an injury they refused to let me continue playing, I was devastated and lost my dream to play for my national team professionally into adulthood." He said. 

My words turned back on me, I felt awful for disposing of them so quickly without thinking. 

"I'm sorry," I said. 

"I don't mean to hurt you, I don't want you to believe something so hopeless and hurtful to yourself." He explained bringing me into his chest. He hugged me tightly. 

"Awful thoughts of my own, caused by the depression we face, tried to crush me into nothing. I know those thoughts, and I'm trying to dissolve yours." He said.

"What is it that you lost?" He asked me, breaking our embrace showing me a soft look.

"I was attending college for business marketing, and even had an internship setup. I rode motorcycles. My family wouldn't have me after high school, yet I managed to find places to live on retail hourly budget, and I had someone loved." I explained. "I was only on the way to my dream and it slipped away." 

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I am so sorry to you too," I said wrapping my hand around his. We continued walking forward.

"I was seventeen, it took me two years to figure what I wanted next. After high school, with the support of my family who recognized my voice and joy for music, I studied music. Afterwards, I became a trainee to become an idol musician." Taekwoon said further. 

"What's a trainee, what do you mean," I asked.

"I had to work every moment of each day learning dance, singing, and more to prepare to be a singer and entertainer for an agency." He explained. "After almost 4 years I accomplished that goal, but barely as my illness made the first year as a singer so difficult," he said. 

"Especially in my state I can only imagine the difficulty of all that responsibility to so many other people. I hardly accomplish my own for myself and one roommate." I said. 

"Thank you for your validation, although what I am meaning to tell you, is there's still another chance for something more." He said. "I love you, and if you didn't have support then, you have it now. From myself, and from what I see, your roommate as well." He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "You can acquire your dreams or even bigger dreams still."

"I'm really enjoying this Taekwoon. Us talking and all of your encouragement. I love hearing every bit of who you are." I said leaning myself against his arm.

"I could talk to you for hours," he replied wrapping his arm over my shoulder.

We continued our time at the park, talking about our pasts, talking about soccer and about what things I studied in my past college experience. We spoke until our legs became tired and the weather warmed a little more. 

"Let's go get some coffee," Taekwoon suggested.

I laughed, "Another!? You had three at breakfast."

"Hush, coffee is the best, let's go." He smiled pecking a kiss onto my cheek. 

We sat at a table in a trendy coffee shop. The smells were wonderful and the pastries looked delicious!

"Haha you have such a sweet tooth," Taekwoon teased as I excitedly browsed my pastry choices. 

I stuck my tongue out at him and picked my treat. We made our way to a cute table away from the light afternoon chatter of others enjoying the vibe within the shop. 

Taekwoon sipped at his iced coffee staring at me thoughtfully without a word. I was also lost in adoration for him. Wondering about him and my unexpected connection to him. 

"Is there a way I can see your performances," I asked. He smiled and nodded, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

He was about to hand it to me when he hesitated "Wait no, this one," he said changing it then proceeded to place this phone into my hands. 

It was a song with an entire group, a group of what became his dear friends. He had told me about them as we continued our walk through the park earlier. 

"Wow, and dancing too! Like really good. And the outfits…" I recalled seeing him in his red costume and make-up the other day, and looked back to his face. He sang along softly. His face was still just as handsome and glowing, with an earring as a sparkling garnish. "You look really good," I said lost in his eyes. 

He smiled wide and laughed. I handed the phone back to him.

"VIXX" I said under my breath as I typed into my own phone. I selected a video compilation of "a guide to vixx." As the video began to play I watched Taekwoon's eyes widen.

"Wait not that," he said reaching his hand to take my phone. I leaned out of his way and continued watching, laughing at some of the things that were shown. Especially what seemed to be even older videos with captions from fans describing his prior personality. I felt so in love, happily consuming all sides and moments of his life. 

His face turned red and he dropped his head to the table with his arms wrapped over his neck. I continued laughing and radiating with joy over his friends' jokes and his cold quiet responses. 

"Please," he begged. I respected his wish and stopped, still smiling ear to ear. 

"Oh I will be watching EVERYTHING, while you're away…" my tease turned into an ache.

It remained quiet for a moment. Until Taekwoon asked me a question.

"Your past love, is he still around," he asked stirring at a second coffee.

"Oh no, he...no. The night you met me, he triggered me into...that. And that was it. Never spoke to him again. There's no threat, if we truly both feel the same thing that I am feeling for you, you do not have to worry. And I am hopeful I won't have to worry either." I said with just a bit of lacking confidence. 

"Yes, not at all. I am sorry and angry to hear that." Taekwoon said. "I will do my best to never cause you such pain." 

"What about you?" I asked. 

"There was someone three years ago. I feel sorry. She held frustrations over our inability to meet. When I practice and entertain, I am absorbed into my duties," he explained. "I want to tell you as well, out of gratitude for achieving my dream, I take my responsibility to my fans seriously. To avoid continuing her frustration we ended it. What I felt for her is so very different, I promise, to what I feel for you." 

I nodded, continuing to think on our time far away. Will we even get to share a phone call, I worried to myself. 

"Let's never mention past loves again please," he asked. "I am your beginning and only one now. And you are mine," he said squeezing my hand a top the table. "After meeting you a year ago, even you shook my focus from time to time. And on breaks or when attempting to sleep, you owned all of my thoughts. I felt like a stalker as I passionately searched for you" Taekwoon said sending me his serious look. 

I leaned myself over the table and kissed him. We kept our faces close, for a moment without a care of who was watching. "There's somewhere I'd like to try before I go, for dinner, let's go," he whispered.

I agreed and gave him one last kiss. 

Over dinner we allowed ourselves to face the inevitable and discuss our thoughts over our parting. 

"I am feeling sorry to you now,"Taekwoon lowered his eyes. 

"We both will be, I'm sorry I can't be with you," I replied. 

"Please get help," Taekwoon urged. "I won't pressure what treatment you decide on, I just want you to try, I know what it's like to finally break through." He met my eyes again.  
"Find what you love, who you can inspire, and what inspires you, and pursue it." He encouraged.

I nodded. My heart swelled at the depth of his concern. 

"I understand, because of your responsibility we may not be able to talk much, and I will respect that. I will find that responsibility of my own to earnestly look after to keep me distracted until you can see me again." I reassured him. 

He kept his eyes lowered. "You can follow some of my doings on my social media. I'd only ask you out of respect to fans, not to mention our closeness on comments and postings."

"I wouldn't dare, thank you for letting me know," I said. 

He remained quiet with odd mannerism. His eyes kept away from mine and he bit his lip. 

"I have to admit more of my worries," he said softly. "I have not revealed this to my fans yet, I have begun my enlistment process into my nation's military." 

My eyes widened.

"It's mandatory for the young me to devote 2 years of their time to the service." He explained further. I nodded. 

"I feel sorry toward my fans but they knew it was approaching eventually. And to you," he looked at me with a dreary expression. "I won't be communicating very much and for certain will not see you for 2 years. I am also uncertain when I will take the time to return to you afterwards, my fans would want to greet me." He said running his hands through his hair. He let out a huge sigh, then raised his eyes back to mine, wrinkles appearing above them. 

I reached my hand to his face, feeling his prickling evening hairs that now sat on his jaw. I continued to stroke his cheeks as I searched for any words of comfort to share with him. 

"You can let concern for your fans trouble your mind, but relieve your thoughts of me. I will take courage, don't spare any trouble over concern for me. My feelings are comforted, knowing that no matter the time, I am yours and you are mine." I reassured him. 

I saw a light gleam over his eyes, his wrinkles disappeared, he opened his mouth, but before he could say a thing our food arrived. It smelled amazing and soothed our spirits for the moment. Taekwoon smiled sweetly, he appeared content. I returned the smile, happy that he was willing to confide in me. 

When our meal was complete we returned to my home. We sat in my car, holding one another in silence. Sharing a few kisses. Until he received a phone call. 

After hanging up he leaned off of my chest and sat up in his seat. "I know it is early into the night, but I must go." He whispered. I nodded.

We stepped out of the car and wrapped our arms around one another. I clutched fistfuls of his shirt into each of my hands. I burrowed my face into him taking one last breath of his scent before my nose swelled from my tears. I gasped between each sob, unable to control myself. 

I felt his body shudder as he tried to manage his own tears. We apologized to one another, not understanding why our connection brought us to this emotional state.

"I will always hope and wish for this passion to stay, I've never known this, but I've always dreamed of something like it. Thank you for being my love at first sight," he cried over my hair. His hands pressing my back tightly closer to himself. 

"I didn't believe in connections like this, and now it's undeniable. We will be okay. Thank you so much. I will honor your encouragement and reach my dream like you asked." I mumbled.

"Good, do it for you. Not for me. And let us meet again in happiness within our dreams. I will work hard to keep mine and to take courage through this new experience. It stirs my anxieties, but I have done many new things, I can do this too," he went on.

I smiled and looked him in the eye, both of us red and swollen with tears. "I am proud of your confidence and hard work, I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he replied. 

We shared our last long kiss in the dark, and let go, as he left to get a car, not to return until who knows when...


End file.
